Adios Ron Mexico!

To be quite honest, I was shocked Michael Vick was even charged. Not because there wasn't enough evidence against him, the only thing they don't have is a video of Vick beating dogs with sticks. It's just that stars of this magnitude always seem to float above the law. Look no further than Kobe Bryant. I won't be shocked if Vick's case never goes to trial, but if any justice comes out of this, at least Vick's football career seems to be over.

I don't mind that athletes make millions, at least the ones who give money to charity, or start foundations, you know, people who give back. I have no patience or respect for anyone who uses that money for something crooked that is both a waste of money, and also brings down the society around them. People like that (Vick) deserve to have it all taken away in order to make room for the next young kid who doesn't take their chance to do something great for granted. Then there is the whole humanitarian aspect around the issue. Now I'm not the kind of person that would swerve into a tree to save a squirrel, but I do have a great respect for animals, and breeding dogs for the sole purpose of them killing one another is beyond comprehension for most normal human beings. Michael Vick could have been one of the greatest QB's to ever play the game, and he had an opportunity to do great things for the city of Atlanta from a service aspect. It's too bad his priorities were in the wrong place.

So enjoy your permanent vacation Ron, it's well deserved, just try not to spend all of your money in one place.

Dear Michael Bay: Your Jokes Suck, but your Robots are pretty cool.

Transformers is based off an 80's cartoon and toy line, which if you were alive in that era, or even the early 90's, you had to be purposefully avoiding the TF's to have not heard of them. The cartoon was corny, but it was a lot of fun, and Optimus Prime I always thought was a good role model for kids (or me). The series went dormant for awhile, tried to resurface in the late 90's/early 00's, but went back under the radar in the mainstream. However, Transformers, like just about everything else in this world, always maintained a cult following, a huge cult following. I was never as hardcore about Transformers, well, not nearly as much as I was the Ninja Turtles. Never the less, I was still pretty jacked up when I heard they were making a live action movie.

Then I heard the news. "Transformers to be directed by.........Michael Bay". Then I quoted Stan's Dad from South Park. "Oh...my...GAAD!

Now I'm not as much of a Bay hater as many others. I loved The Rock, Bad Boys I, and even Armageddon (yes I liked Armageddon, back off!). However, Bay is also responsible for what could quite possibly be the biggest movie f-up of all time. That of course being Pearl Harbor. Ah....Pearl Harbor. So Michael Bay as the Director lowered my expectations a little bit. With the exception of the action sequences, which Bay, love em or hate em, is the master of.

As Transformers got closer to release I couldn't help but get excited as the trailers started to roll out, and all the advance reviews were calling it "awesome", "balls to the wall", and "more badass than the Golden Girls". My expectations naturally rose, maybe a little to high.

What I have been telling everyone about Transformers is this. It's not so much a movie, as it is an experience. If you are going to see a film based solely on its film aspects (the acting, plot, things that makes sense) then stay away. If you are going to see robots destroy cities, each other and your face, then grab that bag-o-popcorn and munch away, because that is what you get. Only not that much of it. That fact is my sole complaint.

Bay can't direct people, and he also isn't funny (which there are many examples of in TF). These are things that I'm used to, and expect when I see his movies. I can look past the plot holes and the bad character development, because that's not what I'm there to see. That's why Transformers should have been a home-run for Bay. All he needed to do was focus on the Transformers themselves, their story (which is simple), throw in a little bit of Shia Labeof, a lot of slow-mo Megan Fox, Autobots vs. Decepticons, rinse, wash and repeat. What happened instead (which I hate to say this), was too much focus on the human characters and their terrible stories. Transformers isn't Shakespeare, and no one wants it to be, but jeez, put a little effort into it. With the exception of Shia and Megan Fox, every other human story could have been completely ignored, instead replaced with more development of the Transformers themselves. Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons was in the movie for about 20 minutes. That's 20 minutes of a 2 hour and 20 minute movie. Ridiculous! He's the main bad guy and he gets 20 mintues of screen time.

Now I know it sounds like I hated this movie, but that's not the case. Like I said, it's also an experience. Despite all of it's other downfalls, Transformers has without a doubt the best special effects ever done on film. When you see the first transformation you will feel like a kid again, and you will feel that way every time it happens. The fight scenes are huge in scale, albeit short in length, but earn every penny of your movie ticket. The way the Transformers seamlessly transform back and forth during a fight is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I still recommend seeing this movie on the big screen. When a Transformer, Shia Labeof, and Megan Fox aren't on screen you will roll your eyes quite a bit, but when the fight scenes begin it's easy to forget about all of the stupid crap you had to sit through to get there and enjoy the ride. Just remember going in, this isn't Shakespeare.

7/10

BREAKING NEWS: President Bush is Judge Dredd!

When President Bush commuted Scooter Libby's sentence this week, he made his intentions very clear. The current system of "laws" just isn't cut out for this country anymore. I mean, what's the point of prosecuting someone, when it's clear that only one man is fit to make the judicial decisions of the country.

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What's funny to me about this, is the fact that Scooter Libby was the fall guy in the whole Valerie Plame leak investigation, when it was clearly an order passed down from Libby's superiors (cough-Cheney, cough-Rove). Even though Libby wasn't 100% responsible, it was still refreshing to see someone go down for this. I mean, the law was broken. A CIA agent who was deep under cover was outed for political reasons which could have resulted in her death! Even then two and half years seemed like a small price to pay. If this had happened ten years ago, we all know what would have happened. (Oh wait, it did happen)

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So in a bold move, the President decided that our court system was broken, and that he alone should be judge, jury, and executioner. He pulled out his Law Giver, put two in the back of Lady Justice, gave the country the finger, and after that swung by and picked Scooter up from prison, and maybe stopped by White Castle to get some burgers.

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If there was one element from Judge Dredd that I wish could be implemented, that would be the long walk. This would be yet another situation where it would be highly appropriate. The only problem is, we would have to pretend that our court system wasn't totally broken.

McLane Lives!

When I first heard that Live Free or Die Hard was going to be PG-13 (or Die Hard 4.0 if you live in the lamest parts of Europe), It was an experience akin to finding out that Santa Clause didn't exist. The first reaction was denial. "There's no way this can be true, how else do the presents magically appear in my living room, and how else will Bruce Willis spit off catchy one-liners without the use of a full arsenal of profanity". Then came anger. At one time I actually said I was going to boycott the movie, as a Die Hard with the same rating as the new Harry Potter to me sounded nothing less than blasphemous. An offense punishable by death. Yet as much as I wanted to hate this movie, the trailers still looked awesome, so my anger then gave way to a guarded sense of optimism. Which led me to the only possible conclusion, and that was going to see it on opening weekend. What can I say, I have a soft spot for Bruce Willis, especially Bruce Willis taking names and blowing things up.

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With all of my PG-13 fears in tow, I went into the theater with low to no expectations what-so-ever. Not even 10 minutes into the movie, Jon McLane grabbed my fears by the throat and beat them repeatedly, albeit more politely than in the past.

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Polite is good word to describe the movie. The action sequences were top notch, right up there with anything from past Die Hard's (the 18 wheeler vs the F-35 was a little much), while the plot was about as deep as With a Vengeance, and made Die Hard 2 look like a Faulkner novel. Jon McLane even felt like Jon McLane, he still cussed like a sailor, only an older sailor who forgot the f-word even existed. There were many instances during the movie where the audio had obviously been edited, and where the death scenes were cut short, which is being polite. Make no mistake about it, there is an R-rated Die Hard in there. Fox is just hiding it from us in order to make a few extra bones at the box-office. Which sucks, but that's Hollywood for you. They generally will take the path of Box Office gross over artistic integrity, and when I say generally, I mean always.

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In the end, Live Free or Die Hard was what it was meant to be. A high-action, fun summer popcorn flick. I hate that the franchise was neutered for this installment to increase the numbers at the Box-Office, it's not fair to the fans. However, solid performances (Justin Long is really good), crazy action, and Bruce Willis made DH4 feel like it belongs beside the other three films. It's just more polite than the others.

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Well, at least until the DVD comes out.

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Yippee-Ky-Yay Mother Fu(Gun Shot!)

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7.5/10