Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the...wait WTF is This?

Let me preface this review with a bit of praise. Steven Spielberg is one of the only mega-powers in Hollywood who I feel actually deserves the amount of respect he receives. His resume is nearly flawless, and he crafted my personal favorite movie of all-time, Jurassic Park (The Lost World never happened as far as I'm concerned). Four years ago when I heard that ol' Stevie was returning to the world of Indiana Jones and everyone from the original trilogy was on board, I quickly booked the next available trip to hype-town. The tragedy here is that I failed to recognize the warning signs. Not Spielberg, not Shia, not ancient Harrison Ford, but the the ruiner of all your childhood memories, George Lucas.

After Return of the Jedi, George Lucas forgot how to write a coherent story. If you don't believe me, then watch the new Star Wars trilogy. If you still don't believe me, watch it again. In all fairness, George wasn't alone in crafting the script for crystal skull. David Koepp, writer of my beloved Jurassic Park script, and the much less loved War of the Worlds. Like War of the Worlds, KOTCS is well acted, and the action sequences work very well. Also like War of the Worlds, the plot is haphazardly constructed. From the opening frame until the god-awful super happy/lame ending, the reasons why Indiana Jones is involved in any way with the hunting of the crystal skull are suspect at best. This is highlighted by the multitude of scenes where Indy has to explain exactly what is going on. I'm talking 10 minute stretches of expository dialogue that should be shown rather than told.

I really hate that the story was so terrible, because there were so many instances where I wanted to enjoy the film. Harrison Ford played an aged-Indy very well. Shia LaBouf brought the youth and the attitude that Ford had in his younger days, and like I said earlier, the action sequences were excellent. In each of the earlier films, Indy's quests had some sort of deep importance to him as a character (Well, maybe not in Temple of Doom). In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Indy feels like he is simply along for the ride. A ride that lacked the sense of adventure and coherence that made the original Indy's so great.

Oh and I did I mention Aliens. In an Indiana Jones movie. I'm not kidding. Please, George Lucas, I beg you. From here on out leave my childhood screen legends alone.


6/10